Soliciting. Is it good for business?

by Jon on February 3, 2012 · 4 comments

Feedback can be a very powerful tool, but it can also do great harm. 

I’d love your views on whether feedback should be solicited, or unsolicited

As a Business Coach I know that constructive feedback can really help people to improve; at it’s simplest it’s simply a way of telling somebody something, and allowing them to alter it – if they choose to. Constructive feedback can help somebody see the impact of their actions on others, so they can change their behaviour.

Done badly it can (at the very least) upset people. Recently I’ve seen several cases of tactless, unsolicited feedback. Those giving the feedback lost out; their reputation was tarnished in the view of a wider audience, yet the people doing it believe that they are helping!

Issues with giving feedback.

Any powerful tool needs to be used carefully if it has the ability to do great harm, or good. A couple of issues to consider are:

  • Did the person ask for feedback?
  • Are you giving it sensitively?
  • Are you doing it publicly, or privately?

Solicited, or unsolicited feedback?

The easy answer would be to say only give it when you’re asked to; but I’m not sure that’s right.

  • If a member of your team is doing something wrong, you have the right to give them feedback.
  • If you meet somebody going into a networking meeting and they have a stain on their tie, they might appreciate the feedback?

If you have an opinion on what they are doing, under what conditions do you have the right to offer your opinion? Perhaps you are merely trying to help them? But if given when they don’t want it, are they insulted, upset or worse?

My view has become that you have a right (in fact a duty) to give feedback to your employees, but what about people you meet networking, or others?

If there is something which is very likely to publicly humiliate the other person (e.g. stain on their tie, trousers stuck in their socks), you’re able to offer a factual statement (not your viewpoint) and you know them to some degree – I guess you’d be right?

What about if you don’t have the right to offer your opinion on their behaviour (as defined above)?

If you’re right to be giving feedback, then the etiquette of doing it comes into play.

How to give constructive feedback

The simple answer would be discreetly, politely and in a positive manner. The feedback sandwich is often sited as good practice.

Is it giving feedback or bullying?

How easy is it to step over the line and become a bully? If you give feedback in a way likely to embarrass the other person (publicly, rudely, or with no way they can actually do anything about it) does that move you from being a poor communicator to being a bully? Any feedback you give like this is unlikely to help anybody change, so why bother?

If somebody gives feedback like this repeatedly, without being asked what would you think about them?

Summary

  • Giving feedback, at the right time, in the right place and in the right way can be very helpful to people’s performance – if you have the right to give it.
  • Doing it badly detracts from performance and can damage your reputation.

What do you think, should one only give feedback when asked, or are there times when it’s OK to just dish it out?

You may also like to read:

  1. 3 ideas to improve the value of the good ideas in your business.
  2. Constructive feedback to improve staff performance
  3. What do you sell? Sex or simply feeling good?

Tagged as: Behaviour, Business, business coach, feedback, networking, team

  • Angie

    Feedback should either only be given publicly when asked for and in a sensitive way, or privately when you feel the person would benefit or should be notified, may be before they put a foot wrong or are misjudging a situation. What would be the reasons for doing it in any other way unless trying to bully, demean or criticise?

    A very good friend and coach offered to help me deliver a script for running our network meeting that I had just started to chair, she gave me some very good advice which made a considerable difference. However she also pointed out that I had a tendency to make occasional (good natured) comments during the odd ‘monthly minute’ delivery by a few members. While it is much more common for ‘heckling’ in general in another network group I lead, she felt it was off putting in this particular situation. I took this on board and totally understood. It was said to me in a helpful way but could easily have shook my confidence if imparted publicly or would have done more damage if I had unknowingly upset someone!

    Confidence in any area of your business or personality can easily be inflated or deflated by words – feedback should have a positive motive behind it even if difficult to deliver.

    • Jon

      Thanks for your comment Angie, it’s a great point. Although I wonder if some people deliver nrequested feedback in the belief that they are bing helpful, when the amount of it they deliver and the way they do it gets them a reputation as a bully.

  • Dave Thorne

    I saw the other day that Michael Beale of CoachingCloud refers to feedback as feedforward which suggests to me a positive approach and change. Although it is only a play on words I think it would help both the giver and receiver to think positively for the future using past experiences to learn from.

  • jonbaker

    Thanks Dave, That’s a really good idea as it does highlight the positive approach as you say and most importantly that it’s about doing things in the future.

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